You Want More Laughs?
You’ve Come to the Right Place.

Sit down. This will take a moment. You are going to enjoy this.

“You have arrived at this page because somewhere deep inside you — beneath the scar tissue, beneath the decades of disappointment, beneath the coaching carousels and the missed field goals and the trades that looked good in April — there is a fan who still believes. We salute you.”

What You Actually Get

Fuller content of the day’s top stories — for all 32 NFL teams, every single day.

Free subscribers see the front page headlines and teasers, team by team. All-Access subscribers get the full articles — every story, complete, delivered to your inbox every day, for every NFL team in the network, not just this one. Same articles. Just longer. Fuller. The whole thing. No “keep reading.”

Plus Seven Weeks of Bonus Content.
One Per Week. Every Cycle. Every Team.

Every All-Access subscriber gets one bonus content piece per week, every week, rotating through all seven formats — and it is not limited to one team. Your subscription unlocks the full Bonus Content library across all 32 NFL team sites in the network. Here is exactly what that looks like on the Seahawks page specifically — the full thing, live, right here, so you know exactly what you are getting before you spend a single dime.

Week One — You Get This
Real Fake Trivia Game

A full Jeopardy-style board built entirely around your team’s history, lore, disasters, and occasional moments of glory. Four categories. Five clues each. $200 through $1,000. The $1,000 questions are genuinely hard. We verified every fact. We are not kidding about that part. Click on any one of the boxes and start the game!

The 12s The Legion of Boom Super Bowl LX Champions That Play
$200$200$200$200
$400$400$400$400
$600$600$600$600
$800$800$800$800
$1,000$1,000$1,000$1,000

That’s Week One. Next week you get this →

Week Two — You Get This
Classified Ads

Nine satirical classified ads, three columns, all team-specific. FOR SALE. WANTED. LOST & FOUND. HELP WANTED. ANNOUNCEMENT. NOTICE. PERSONALS. OBITUARIES. The CONTACT line is always the punchline. Always.

For Sale

One (1) Super Bowl LX Championship — Authenticated, February 2026, Asking Full Price

The Seattle Seahawks won Super Bowl LX in February 2026, defeating the New England Patriots 29–13. S. Darnold threw for 346 yards and three touchdowns in the NFC Championship win. M. Macdonald is 28 years old and a Super Bowl champion head coach. The ring has been authenticated. The ring is not for sale. This listing is informational. The 12s are aware the ring is not for sale. They simply wanted it in print.

ContactThe 12s. They wanted it documented. It is documented. The ring is real. The Seahawks are Super Bowl champions. It has been confirmed in writing. The 12s thank you.
Wanted

Repeat — Previous Attempts: 2013 (Won), 2014 (Lost on the One-Yard Line)

The Seahawks won consecutive NFC Championships in 2013 and 2014. They won the Super Bowl in 2013. They did not win in 2014 due to a play call that has been discussed at length and will not be elaborated upon here. The Seahawks want to repeat in 2026. The core is returning. The coaching staff is intact. The one-yard line is not involved in the current plan. The 12s have confirmed they appreciate this.

ContactThe 12s. They do not wish to discuss the one-yard line. They wish to discuss 2026. They are focused on 2026. The one-yard line has been retired from conversation.
Lost & Found

Found: The Quarterback — Sam Darnold, Free Agency, Lombardi Trophy Confirmed

S. Darnold was acquired via free agency after winning the NFC Championship in Minnesota in 2024. He then won Super Bowl LX in Seattle. He completed 346 yards and three touchdowns in the NFC title game. The Seahawks found their quarterback. The Seahawks had previously cycled through multiple quarterbacks after Russell Wilson’s departure. The cycle has been officially resolved. The resolution has a ring attached to it.

ContactS. Darnold. He was drafted by the Jets. He went to New York, Carolina, and Cleveland. He went to Minnesota. He won a Super Bowl in Seattle. The 12s consider this arc satisfying.
Help Wanted

Offensive Coordinator — Previous Holder Departed to Las Vegas as Head Coach

K. Kubiak served as offensive coordinator and won Super Bowl LX. He then departed to become head coach of the Las Vegas Raiders. The Seahawks have hired a replacement from within the 49ers organization. The new coordinator is familiar with NFC West offenses. He is not familiar with winning a Super Bowl. He is working with a team that is. The 12s consider this an acceptable arrangement.

ContactM. Macdonald. He is 28 years old. He is a Super Bowl champion. He has a new offensive coordinator. He is not concerned. He is very rarely concerned. He is 28 and has a ring.
Announcement

Official Statement: The Seahawks Are the Defending Champions and Would Like to Remain So

The Seattle Seahawks announce that the championship core is returning for 2026. The offensive line is intact. S. Darnold is returning. The defensive staff is unchanged. The NFC West has been notified. The Rams have the MVP and the DPOY. The 49ers have a healthy roster. The Cardinals are rebuilding. The Seahawks have the ring. The ring is considered the most relevant credential. The 12s have confirmed this assessment.

ContactLumen Field. It hosted the celebration. It was very loud. The 12s are always very loud. The ring is displayed at the facility. The facility is proud of the ring. The 12s are proud of the ring.
For Sale
Sold

The Post-Wilson Rebuild — 2022 Through 2024, Three Seasons, Concluded With a Ring

Available as a historical unit: three seasons of quarterback uncertainty following Russell Wilson’s departure to Denver, two winning records without playoff appearances, and one Super Bowl victory in year four. Buyer receives documentation only. The Super Bowl ring is not included. The ring has been retained by the franchise and the players who earned it. The rebuild has been filed as successfully concluded. The 12s were present for all of it.

ContactR. Wilson. He is in Denver. The Seahawks won the Super Bowl without him. The Seahawks would like to note this is not a statement about R. Wilson. It is simply a fact. The fact has been filed.
Notice

Attn: NFC West — We Won the Super Bowl and We Are Coming Back to Defend It

The Seattle Seahawks formally notify the NFC West that they are the defending Super Bowl champions. The Rams have Stafford and Garrett. The 49ers have a healthy roster. The Cardinals are figuring out their quarterback. The Seahawks have the ring, the coach, the quarterback, and the 12s. The 12s are the loudest fans in the NFL. Lumen Field has a noise record. The noise record is relevant. The NFC West has been notified.

ContactThe NFC West. It has received this notice. The Rams, 49ers, and Cardinals have acknowledged the notice. None of them enjoyed acknowledging it. The Seahawks understand.
Personals

Seeking: Another One — The 12s Have Tasted It and Would Very Much Like More

The 12s, worldwide, relentless. Have been the loudest fans in the NFL for decades. Have watched Super Bowl wins in 2013 and 2026. Have watched the one-yard line. Have watched the Russell Wilson years and the post-Wilson rebuild. Have watched Sam Darnold win a Super Bowl, which was not always expected. Are still here. Are always here. Would like to do this again immediately. The ring has confirmed that repeating is the goal.

ContactLumen Field. The 12s fill it. The 12s have always filled it. The decibel record is theirs. The ring is theirs. They are ready for the next one. They are always ready.
Obituaries

Every Team That Stood Between Seattle and Super Bowl LX — All Eliminated

Passed in sequence during the 2025 postseason: the Los Angeles Chargers (wild card), the Detroit Lions (divisional), the Los Angeles Rams (NFC Championship, 31–27), and the New England Patriots (Super Bowl LX, 13–29). All four opponents competed with distinction. None of them won. The Seahawks won. The 12s were present for all of it. Services for each eliminated team were brief. The Seahawks did not attend. They were in New Orleans accepting a trophy.

ContactThe Lombardi Trophy. It is currently in Seattle. It was previously in Kansas City. It is in Seattle now. The 12s consider this an improvement. The trophy has not commented.

That’s Week Two. The week after that you get this →

Week Three — You Get This
Top Ten List

A full team-specific Top Ten list. Completely deadpan. Treats every item with total journalistic seriousness. The list below is a sample. Yours will be specific to your team’s particular situation, history, and ongoing triumphs and disasters.

Top Ten Things You Can Buy for $24 at Lumen Field
  • 10.One domestic beer, served in a stadium famous for being the loudest building in professional football. You will not hear yourself order it. You will hear the crowd noise for three days afterward.
  • 9.Parking that costs more than your first car and is roughly as far from the stadium. The walk builds character. Seattle specializes in building character through weather and distance.
  • 8.A rain poncho, sold reactively, the moment it starts raining, at a considerable markup. The clouds do not care about your budget. The clouds have never cared about anyone’s budget.
  • 7.A Sam Darnold bobblehead, purchased with the quiet satisfaction of a fanbase that watched him get doubted everywhere else first. He won it in February. The bobblehead nods anyway. It already knew.
  • 6.One salmon-adjacent food item, because this is Seattle and the menu insists on reminding you. It is $24. It is technically fish. Technically is doing a lot of work in that sentence.
  • 5.A commemorative Super Bowl LX banner replica, small enough to fit in a stocking, large enough to matter. Mike Macdonald raised it in February. The banner does not require explanation anymore. It just hangs there, quietly correct.
  • 4.A “12” flag, sold to a fan who already owns four of them. He is buying a fifth. He has reasons. The reasons are good.
  • 3.One ticket stub from a game where the crowd noise registered on a seismograph. This has happened before. It will happen again. The scientists have stopped being surprised.
  • 2.Four months of this subscription. Which includes 16 pieces of premium satirical content, a trivia game, classified ads, a children’s book, and a staff that watched this team win it all and still can’t quite believe it either.
  • 1.A moment of quiet in the loudest stadium in football. It doesn’t cost anything. Nobody’s asking for it back. Not this year.

    • That’s Week Three. Week Four brings this →

    Week Four — You Get This
    Fake eBay Listing

    Seven team-specific fake eBay listings, ready to go every cycle, styled exactly like the real site — photo, description, seller, and current bid. The items are always something your team has misplaced, squandered, or never possessed. Reserve has not been met, and never may be met.

    Vintage Helmet — PRISTINE — “Legion of Boom Era”
    Seller: lumen_field_echoes
    Condition: Historically Significant
    A pristine vintage helmet from the era when nobody wanted to play us. We hit hard, we talked trash, and we backed it up. We miss it every single day.
    $2,013
    current bid
    Deflated Football — FLATTENED — “The One Yard Line”
    Seller: run_the_ball_pete
    Condition: Philosophically Compromised
    A completely flattened, deflated football. It perfectly represents how we felt when Malcolm Butler jumped that route. We had Marshawn Lynch. We were on the one-yard line. Why didn’t we run it?
    $24
    current bid
    Defensive Playbook — LOCKED — “The Macdonald System”
    Seller: mike_macdonald_genius
    Condition: Cautiously Optimistic
    Mike Macdonald’s brand new defensive playbook, complete with a padlock. We finally have a defense that confuses quarterbacks instead of confusing our own secondary. It’s beautiful.
    $800
    current bid
    Play Sheet — CROSSED OUT — “Super Bowl XLIX”
    Seller: darrell_bevell_regrets
    Condition: Structurally Unsound
    A crumpled, tear-stained play sheet from Super Bowl XLIX. The words ‘ONE YARD LINE’ are crossed out heavily in red marker. It’s the most painful artifact in franchise history. Please buy it so we don’t have to look at it anymore.
    $49
    current bid
    Super Bowl XLVIII Ring — GLEAMING — “2013”
    Seller: russell_wilson_magic
    Condition: Historically Haunted
    A gleaming silver Super Bowl XLVIII ring from our 43-8 demolition of the Broncos. It was perfect. The defense was perfect. The offense was perfect. We thought we were going to win five of these.
    $438
    current bid
    Framed Photo — SAM DARNOLD — “Fix Him”
    Seller: qb_whisperer_seattle
    Condition: Emotionally Unavailable
    A framed photo of Sam Darnold in a Panthers uniform with a sticky note that says ‘FIX HIM’. We did it with Geno, and now we’re doing it with Sam. We are the premier quarterback rehabilitation center in the NFL.
    $14
    current bid
    12 Flag — WORN — “Loudest Stadium in the League”
    Seller: twelfth_man_pride
    Condition: Enduringly Loyal
    A slightly worn neon green 12 flag. We’ve lost our voices, we’ve stood in the freezing rain, and we’ve caused actual seismic events. We are the 12s, and we’re never quiet.
    $12
    current bid

    That’s Week Four. Then comes this →

    Week Five — You Get This
    The Outer Limits Enquirer

    One team-specific Outer Limits Enquirer front page, every cycle. Completely straight-faced. It sells itself — that’s how funny it is.

    ■ Transmission Received — Parallel Universe Dispatch ■
    Outer Limits Enquirer — Seahawks edition front page
    Signal Strong — Standing By

    That’s Week Five. Week Six delivers this →

    Week Six — You Get This
    NFL Competition Committee Proposes

    Four new proposed NFL rules, each presented with complete regulatory seriousness. The title is always “THE NFL COMPETITION COMMITTEE PROPOSES:” followed by the rule name. Three to five sentences of deadpan satire. A new batch of four rules, every seven-week cycle.

    Official Proposal 1 of 4 — NFL Competition Committee — 2026 Season

    The NFL Competition Committee Proposes:
    The Feelings Rule

    Effective immediately, any player who is visibly sad after a penalty will be allowed to challenge the call on emotional grounds. The replay official will review the player’s expression in slow motion. If certified “genuinely devastated” by a panel of three therapists stationed in the press box, the penalty is waived. The Dallas Cowboys have already filed 847 pre-season challenges.

    Official Proposal 2 of 4 — NFL Competition Committee — 2026 Season

    The NFL Competition Committee Proposes:
    Mandatory Honesty From Coaches

    Starting in 2026, head coaches will be required to answer one post-game question with complete honesty. The question will be selected at random by a wheel spin. Early testing was abandoned after three coaches resigned, one cried, and Bill Belichick’s honest answer was legally classified as a threat.

    Official Proposal 3 of 4 — NFL Competition Committee — 2026 Season

    The NFL Competition Committee Proposes:
    The Participation Fumble

    In an effort to make fumbles less discouraging, any fumble recovered by the opposing team will now be referred to as an “unintentional lateral.” The player who fumbled will receive a certificate of effort. The team that recovered it will receive six points. Both outcomes will be celebrated equally on the official broadcast.

    Official Proposal 4 of 4 — NFL Competition Committee — 2026 Season

    The NFL Competition Committee Proposes:
    Announcer Accuracy Ratings

    All play-by-play announcers will now be graded in real time by a panel of former players. Phrases such as “he just wanted it more,” “that’s a football player right there,” and “you cannot teach that” will trigger an automatic fine of $500 per occurrence. Early projections suggest the league will be debt-free by Week 3.

    That’s Week Six. And saving the best for last →

    Week Seven — You Get This
    The Children’s Book
    A Landolfi Media Original

    A fully illustrated satirical children’s book, team-specific, written for the fan who has a child who needs to understand why Sunday afternoons are like this. The illustrations are beautiful. The subject matter is not. Both things are intentional.

    Your Team’s Complete Illustrated History — Included With Every Subscription
    “From Expansion Team to the 12th Man”
    The Story of the Seattle Seahawks — Read the Full Book Below, Cover to Last Page
    From Expansion Team to the 12th Man — page viewer
    From Expansion Team to the 12th Man
    The Story of the Seattle Seahawks.
    A Landolfi Media Children’s Book.
    Page 1 of 11
    Complete Illustrated History · Cover + 10 Pages · Included With Paid Subscription

    In the upcoming weeks and months with your paid subscription, you can also look forward to titles like these:

    Also In Development — Next Release
    “Why Does Daddy Cry On Sundays?”
    A heartwarming story about a father, his team, and the annual tradition of explaining to a seven-year-old why the season is technically over in Week Eleven. Daddy is going to be okay. He has been through this before. He loves his team. That is the whole story.
    In Development · Fully Illustrated · Coming Soon
    Also In Development
    “Daddy’s Team Is Very Special (Just Not At Football)”
    A celebration of everything a football team can be excellent at besides winning football games. The uniforms are nice. The stadium is large. The merchandise is widely available. A story about finding joy in the details when the scoreboard is unkind.
    In Development · Fully Illustrated · Coming Soon
    Also In Development
    “The Night We Almost Made the Playoffs”
    A timeless bedtime story about a very special evening in December when everything was possible. The math worked out. The other teams lost. The tickets were being researched. And then the fourth quarter happened. A story about hope, arithmetic, and the importance of not checking the score too early.
    In Development · Fully Illustrated · Coming Soon

    What Subscribers Are Saying

    “I won $9 on a scratch-off outside the Lumen Field gate. Put it toward this instead. Felt $9 richer in ways that are hard to quantify, and I didn’t even have to yell about it.”
    — R. Pennington, Seattle, Wash. · 4-Month Subscriber
    “My husband and I both subscribe. We used to argue about the play call from Super Bowl XLIX at dinner. Now we just pass the phone and nod. It has actually brought us closer, twelve years later.”
    — Anonymous · Joint Subscription · Ballard, Seattle
    “I read the Children’s Book to my actual children. They’re seven and four. They understood the noise-record chapter immediately, mostly because they were causing it. We’ve all renewed.”
    — T. Largent (no relation), Renton, Wash. · Family Subscription
    “I told my therapist about the eBay listing for the Super Bowl XLIX play sheet, crossed out in red marker. She said, quote, ‘that’s oddly specific and also correct.’ Insurance doesn’t cover this newsletter. It should.”
    — M. Delgado, Tacoma, Wash. · 8-Month Subscriber
    “My father-in-law asked why I was laughing alone in the garage. I showed him the trivia board. He subscribed before he left the driveway. Then he yelled ‘BOOM’ for no reason. We’re used to it now.”
    — K. Osei, Bellevue, Wash. · 3-Month Subscriber
    “Cancelled once out of loyalty-related guilt during the post-Wilson years. Resubscribed the moment the Lombardi came back to Seattle. This is now just a monthly donation to my own sense of humor, and also vindication.”
    — Anonymous · Auto-Renew, No Regrets
    Free
    $0

    Every top story’s headline, plus the five or six “Around the Building” stories — the same day they publish. No credit card. No trial period. No catch. If you just want to keep up with what’s happening, this covers it.

    Subscribe Free
    Most Popular
    All Access — Every Team
    $9/mo

    Everything in Free, plus full daily articles and one new Bonus Content drop every week on a rotating seven-week cycle — a fan trivia game, a fake eBay auction, classified ads, The Outer Limits Enquirer, a children’s book parody, a Top Ten List, and an NFL Competition Committee ruling — for all 32 NFL teams in the network, the Seahawks included. Plus the complete archive, for every team, from day one.

    Go All Access
    30¢

    Per Day. For Every Team. That Is All We Are Asking.

    $9 per month…just 30 cents / day. That works out to be 3 dimes exactly, or a quarter and a nickel. And it is no longer just one team — that 30 cents covers full articles and Bonus Content for all 32 NFL teams in the network. We are asking you to spend the cost of approximately nothing to have your suffering (and everyone else’s) witnessed, documented, and returned to you in a funnier format than it arrived.

    Other Things You Could Buy for 30¢
    ( If For Some Reason You Really and Truly Didn’t Want to Laugh Today )

    1. A quarter at a vending machine, with a nickel left over. That nickel is yours to keep. It is the only refund this list offers.
    2. Just under a third of a gumball from a machine that still exists somewhere in 1987.
    3. The look on someone’s face when you tell them you subscribe to a satirical NFL newsletter that covers all 32 teams. That look is free. The newsletter is 30 cents a day.
    4. A little over a third of a postage stamp. Stamps are about 80¢ now. Your 30¢ covers roughly the top third. This is not enough to mail anything to anyone. This subscription delivers considerably more — for every NFL team.
    5. About three-quarters of a birthday candle. The kind from the dollar store 10-pack. It will burn for a little over a minute. This subscription burns considerably longer, covers every NFL team, and produces significantly more joy and marginally less wax.
    6. 0.00002% of your team’s starting quarterback’s daily salary. He earns more between breakfast and the first snap than you will spend on this subscription in a year. This year that figure also covers 31 other starting quarterbacks’ teams. We thought you should know that. We are not sure why. It felt relevant.
    7. Nothing at a parking meter in any American city built after 1990. The meter will reject your 30 cents. We will not reject your 30 cents. We will give you seven weeks of content for it — for every NFL team.
    8. A shot glass of gasoline, which might be just enough to get you to an ATM to take out $9 for your first month of All-Access. The math works. The metaphor also works. Please do not drink the gasoline.

    Hey — you’ve made it this far. You’ve looked at all seven weeks of bonus content you’ll be receiving — for all 32 NFL teams, not just this one. You’ve also seen that you’ll be getting daily, full-length headline articles from the entire network — every side article, too. Obviously you love your team with a passion to have lasted this long and smiled this much.

    Yep. We can see you.

    There’s nothing left to do but spend the 30¢ / day and have this feeling — for every NFL team — last the whole year through.

    I mean really — what more is there to think about? Do you want to smile today (and every day) or not?

    “By subscribing you acknowledge that you are a fan in good standing, that you have suffered, that you will continue to suffer, and that $9 per month is a reasonable fee for having that suffering — and the suffering of 31 other NFL fanbases — witnessed and documented with the respect it deserves. Cancel anytime. Your team will not cancel anything. Neither will the other 31. They will all be here next season. And the season after that.”

    Ready?

    One Subscription. All 32 NFL Teams. Every Week.

    $9/month
    Subscribe Here →

    Or start free. No credit card. No commitment.

    Landolfi Media LLC · We Put The Parity In Parody · All Content Satirical · All Pain Real